i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
