Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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