Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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