Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
