I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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