Screwed.edu
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
