That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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