wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
