The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk is a universal language darling
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
