I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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