I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
