we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize