Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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