I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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