She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we made out on top of his cat.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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