About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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