Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
