If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
