Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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