I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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