porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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