We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize