Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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