sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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