remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
