do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
