saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
