i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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