I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
