he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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