i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
