So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
