the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I cut my penus on the lid.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
