Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my liver is dry heaving
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
