i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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