I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize