Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's rum buckets o'clock
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
