what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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