i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
