dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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