Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
