the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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