Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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