She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
