drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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