Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
