trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
