Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
