The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
