I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
