And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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