Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
