can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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