it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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