Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
