I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
