Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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