The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
