Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
