hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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