I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
