what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
