she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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